About Last Night . . .

Watching NBA highlights made me absolutely nauseous. Watching NHL highlights make me feel unamerican. So the only thing I have to report on this morning is College Basketball, god bless it.

* #9 LSU beat #6 Texas A&M 64-52. Big Baby was an absolute beast, pouring in 24 and 10. For some unknown reason this game was only available on ESPN Gameplan, as ESPN 2 was tied up with "Rodeo." A&M looked good, possibly a Sweet 16 team, while LSU was just bigger, stronger, better, give em a regional final at this point. A&M's #6 ranking is just absurdly wrong, and due to the fact that this year, more than ever, it seems that everyone is just beating up on each other and the real heavyweights (Kansas, Florida, UNC) have at least 1-2 losses between them.

It will be very interesting to see where A&M lands in the Big 12 this year - it could be anywhere from #2 to #6.

* Speaking of overrated, #18 Gonzaga fell to Washington State, 67-77. Actually, thats unfair - its not clear whether Gonzaga is a round 1 loser or a Sweet 16 team yet. Those pesky Cougars basically shot the Zags out of the game in the 2nd half by making 8-12 three pointers. Not many teams can overcome that.

Incredibly, WSU is 74-3 (w-t-f?) at home v. non conference opponents in the past 16 years. Its like they are the Boise State of College Basketball, except they never go bowling.

* Speaking of the Big 12, #22 Oklahoma State beat #21 Syracuse in MSG, 72-68. This was part of the Jimmy V Classic, and thus was pretty depressing. The crushing finality of death almost caught up with the Cowboys as they nearly blew a late 13 point lead, but JamesOn Curry buried a three with 22 seconds left, putting the game out of reach.

Oklahoma State folks, that is a team to keep an eye on. Evidently Mr. Curry trained with Tracy McGrady all summer, hoisting 700 shots a day. He looked impressive, as did the whole Cowboy team.

The Obligatory Hollis Thomas Post

Poor Hollis Thomas. As reported virtually everywhere, Mr. Thomas received a 4 game suspension for testing + for steroids.

His defense is the time-tested and sure to never fail "it was part of my asthma medication." Which certainly makes the league look like a bunch of grinches who are trying to steal Christmas not only from young Hollis, but also from the entire City of New Orleans.

I'll just go ahead and say it: the suits at the NFL, just like George W. Bush, don't like black people. Essentially, Mr. Thomas has the option of a) dying or b) playing football. For shame.

. . . Except, of course, that its possible that this "excuse" is bogus.

Jon Gruden's Heart is Full of Warmth

When describing Tampa Bay Buc coach Jon Gruden, several adjectives come to mind: "intense," "fiery," "Chuckie-like," "arrogant prick."

Add a new one: "generous." Some would say that his choice to kick a meaningless field goal in the waning seconds of the Bucs pathetic showing at Pittsburgh on Sunday was made in an attempt to put some garbage time score on the board, an absurd attempt to silence his critics and invigorate his team.

Those people would be wrong. No, the first game ending garbage time field goal in seventy-three YEARS was done out of concern for his 23 year old rookie QB, Bruce Gradkowski. Young Bruce is from the Pittsburgh area, and Gruden sent the field-goal unit on the field so that Bruce "would come away with something positive from his first NFL game there."

No shit, Jon? How considerate. I'm sure that when that FG went through the uprights, Grads memory of his 3 interception, 5 sack, 35.8 QB rating performance vanished.

The Disaster that is the NFC Playoff Picture

The NFC Wild Card Race is a logjam, and as of Tuesday is a 5 team scramble for 2 spots.

If a nuclear holocaust happened today and we were spared seeing Jeff Garcia QB for 4 more weeks, the Giants and, yup, the Eagles would be in. Yes, the Giants and the Eagles.

Right now it looks like 9-7 will get you in. That means the 5-7 Vikings, 49ers, and Rams would have to go 4-0 down the stretch to get in. This doesn't seem possible, plausible, or worthy of discussion.

Joining the Giants and Eagles at a solid 6-6 are the Falcons and Panthers. ATL closes with games against Carolina and at Philly. Carolina plays the Giants this week, and Philly plays the Giants in two weeks in the Meadowlands.

Diagnosis: this is a clusterfuck and I'd be lying if I provided any guesses as to what the hell is going to happen. Personally I'm rooting for the Giants to fall out of the race so Tom Coughlin gets fired and the Eagles to make it, if only to strike a blow for homosexual football players across the land.

* Standings are here.

The Morning After . . .

the big story

* Eagles beat Panthers 27-24 behind a washed up quarterback. If the score was reversed the story would still be the same - I'm not sure there isn't a washed up QB on either of these teams active rosters.

the semi-interesting stories

* Mavs win streak is over, falling 97-106 to the Wizards. A collective nation prays that this event leads Mark Cuban to shave.

* University of Kansas manages to not lose to a inferior team, beating USC 72-62.

* Wisconsin avenges the BCS snub of their football playing brethren, beating Winthrop 82-79 in OT.

the story that may be a big deal

* Some guy pulled a Bruce Bowen on Kobe. No word as to whether Phil Jackson demanded retribution.

Mike Ditka doesn't care what the question is

So I had to cancel my date with this cute Jewish heiress tonight because Ditka and Jaworski were going to announce on Primetime who, in their infinite wisdom, was the best team in the NFL. Seemed like a good trade: instead of a piece of ass, I'd be receiving some wisdom from two of the brightest minds ESPN had to offer.

Unfortunately, Ditka couldn't answer Stuart Scott's simple inquiry. Evidently "Who is the best team in the NFL?" was too much for Ditka to handle. Instead, we were privy to Ditka's opinion that the Saints are the best team in the NFC, the Chargers are the best team in the AFC, and for some reason related to 1965, Wrigley Field, and Gale Sayers the Saints would beat the Chargers.

Debate amongst yourselves whether the Saints are even the best team in the NFC South, but a couple things are clear: LT is better than Sayers, Gale Sayers is dead, and the Super Bowl won't be played at Wrigley Field.

Incidentally, I've learned that "Jaws" has his own personal website, which really makes me regret that I didn't go out and get plowed tonight.

Marvin Harrison displays one of his lesser known talents

Back when people discussed the possibility of the Indianpolis Colts going 16-0 with a straight face, Marvin Harrison made one of the sickest catches you'll ever see in the Colts impressive win over New England.

Here is the video.

The greatest thing about this video is the near brawl that broke out when Harrison's rather . . . emphatic TD-spike smacks Mike Vrabel in the dome.

The Smorgasbord Pick O the Week

I have a few simple goals in my life: date a Jewish woman, have someone read this blog, and to spread the gospel of the Mighty MJD as far as my voice will carry.

MJD is, in my humble opinion, the wisest man in the galaxy. This belief is bolstered every Monday morning when the Smorgasbord comes out.

In a weekly future, I present you, loyal readership of zero, with the most dazzlingly awesome Smorgasbord entry of the week:

"Who is this Derek Anderson character playing quarterback for the Browns? Unless this guy has the ability to switch races on cue, and also plays sparingly as a two-guard for the Charlotte Bobcats, I’ve never heard of him."

I hate you Boise State

I don't know what this chart means, but I don't think it is pointing out that Boise State sucks.

It should be. Boise State is awful. Its true. Not Colorado Buffaloes awful, but awful in the sense that they are ranked, at the very least, 10 spots higher than they should be in all major polls.

If Boise State comes within 14 points of Oklahoma I'll kill myself. Not because I'm upset that it will indicate that I know nothing about college football, but because it will lead to an avalanche of BCS know-it-alls who will proclaim that, SEC and Big Ten football be damned, Boise State deserved a shot at mighty Troy and his oddly monikered Buckeyes.

Let me blunt with these people, those misguided folks who think Boise, by virtue of their daunting schedule and impressive wins, should be playing Ohio State: S-T-F-U. They shouldn't , and you are dumb, and here's why:

1) Boise played the #76th toughest schedule in the country, just beating out Rice.
(interesting side note: they did play a harder schedule than Wake)
(another interesting side note: guess who #1 and #2 are in the SoS? Thats right, Florida and Michigan)
Here's the link.

2) Boise's marquee wins are (drum roll please): at home against Oregon State, at home against Hawaii. Oregon State did this country a great service by beating Southern Cal, while managing to get beat by 28 vs Cal, 18 vs UCLA, and put up a Sixer v. Washington State (losing 13-6). People have a hard on for Hawaii because some guy named "Colt" is playing QB for them and they score alot. Big whoop.

3) Boise doesn't seem too hot away from home. Its true that they went 6-0 away from that god forsaken turf. Its also true that they gave up 28 points to New Mexico St., 26 points to Idaho, and won by a TD v. Wyoming, and 3 points v. San Jose State. Yep, SJS, who is 8-4 because they play in the WAC. Which leads me to this:

4) Boise plays in the WAC. The WAC is like that private religious school in your neighborhood that has 25 of the weirdest kids you've ever seen attending it. And where there is one token decently pretty girl and 24 girls who invoke "The Legend of the Dog-Faced Woman." Thats the WAC: they have a decent girl who thinks she is hot but once her sheltered life runs out at age 18 she turns to shit at a large, public school of higher education. She can't cope cause now she is in the big leagues, and thats that - she has been exposed as a fraud.

In this case, a fraud that has stolen millions of dollars from those fine folks in Madison, Wisconsin.

Diagnosis: Boise State sucks.

College Football is the worst

College Football officially sucks. Lets thank the pollsters for making this so. Why does College Football now suck? Its pretty simple: its corrupt, and the real decision makers, the voters, are beyond morons.

I don't give a shit whether Michigan or Florida have the privilege of seeing Troy Smith et all blow them out and hoist that crystal football in about six weeks. What I do care about is that there is 1) no credible objective means by which anyone can say Florida > Michigan or vice versa. Its apples and oranges. Is the SEC the greatest conference in the world ohmygod Ole Miss would blow out Texas good that some people think? Or is the SEC incredibly overrated?

Anyone who gives you an answer besides "I don't know" is full of shit. But we allow a group of people to enjoy their Saturday doing whatever (my guess is that median games watched by these folks is 1) and then voting on Sunday morning . . . and thus deciding who gets to play who for millions of dollars and network TV time.

Its bullshit and everyone knows it. It is indefensible. And it has to change. Give us a +1 and everyone can rejoice. With a +1, I think we'd see Ohio State absolutely murder Boise State, Michigan and Florida playing a classic, and then Troy Smith throwing for 250 yards and the Buckeyes winning by at least 14 against whomever. And everyone would be happy, and TV ratings would be through the roof.

Until we have a +1, a national championship determined by having 65 of the best teams battle it out in a 3 week extravaganza is far superior to having 2 very good teams battle it out in a entirely mythical national championship game.

65 is better than 2.