About Last Night . . .

Watching NBA highlights made me absolutely nauseous. Watching NHL highlights make me feel unamerican. So the only thing I have to report on this morning is College Basketball, god bless it.

* #9 LSU beat #6 Texas A&M 64-52. Big Baby was an absolute beast, pouring in 24 and 10. For some unknown reason this game was only available on ESPN Gameplan, as ESPN 2 was tied up with "Rodeo." A&M looked good, possibly a Sweet 16 team, while LSU was just bigger, stronger, better, give em a regional final at this point. A&M's #6 ranking is just absurdly wrong, and due to the fact that this year, more than ever, it seems that everyone is just beating up on each other and the real heavyweights (Kansas, Florida, UNC) have at least 1-2 losses between them.

It will be very interesting to see where A&M lands in the Big 12 this year - it could be anywhere from #2 to #6.

* Speaking of overrated, #18 Gonzaga fell to Washington State, 67-77. Actually, thats unfair - its not clear whether Gonzaga is a round 1 loser or a Sweet 16 team yet. Those pesky Cougars basically shot the Zags out of the game in the 2nd half by making 8-12 three pointers. Not many teams can overcome that.

Incredibly, WSU is 74-3 (w-t-f?) at home v. non conference opponents in the past 16 years. Its like they are the Boise State of College Basketball, except they never go bowling.

* Speaking of the Big 12, #22 Oklahoma State beat #21 Syracuse in MSG, 72-68. This was part of the Jimmy V Classic, and thus was pretty depressing. The crushing finality of death almost caught up with the Cowboys as they nearly blew a late 13 point lead, but JamesOn Curry buried a three with 22 seconds left, putting the game out of reach.

Oklahoma State folks, that is a team to keep an eye on. Evidently Mr. Curry trained with Tracy McGrady all summer, hoisting 700 shots a day. He looked impressive, as did the whole Cowboy team.

The Obligatory Hollis Thomas Post

Poor Hollis Thomas. As reported virtually everywhere, Mr. Thomas received a 4 game suspension for testing + for steroids.

His defense is the time-tested and sure to never fail "it was part of my asthma medication." Which certainly makes the league look like a bunch of grinches who are trying to steal Christmas not only from young Hollis, but also from the entire City of New Orleans.

I'll just go ahead and say it: the suits at the NFL, just like George W. Bush, don't like black people. Essentially, Mr. Thomas has the option of a) dying or b) playing football. For shame.

. . . Except, of course, that its possible that this "excuse" is bogus.

Jon Gruden's Heart is Full of Warmth

When describing Tampa Bay Buc coach Jon Gruden, several adjectives come to mind: "intense," "fiery," "Chuckie-like," "arrogant prick."

Add a new one: "generous." Some would say that his choice to kick a meaningless field goal in the waning seconds of the Bucs pathetic showing at Pittsburgh on Sunday was made in an attempt to put some garbage time score on the board, an absurd attempt to silence his critics and invigorate his team.

Those people would be wrong. No, the first game ending garbage time field goal in seventy-three YEARS was done out of concern for his 23 year old rookie QB, Bruce Gradkowski. Young Bruce is from the Pittsburgh area, and Gruden sent the field-goal unit on the field so that Bruce "would come away with something positive from his first NFL game there."

No shit, Jon? How considerate. I'm sure that when that FG went through the uprights, Grads memory of his 3 interception, 5 sack, 35.8 QB rating performance vanished.

The Disaster that is the NFC Playoff Picture

The NFC Wild Card Race is a logjam, and as of Tuesday is a 5 team scramble for 2 spots.

If a nuclear holocaust happened today and we were spared seeing Jeff Garcia QB for 4 more weeks, the Giants and, yup, the Eagles would be in. Yes, the Giants and the Eagles.

Right now it looks like 9-7 will get you in. That means the 5-7 Vikings, 49ers, and Rams would have to go 4-0 down the stretch to get in. This doesn't seem possible, plausible, or worthy of discussion.

Joining the Giants and Eagles at a solid 6-6 are the Falcons and Panthers. ATL closes with games against Carolina and at Philly. Carolina plays the Giants this week, and Philly plays the Giants in two weeks in the Meadowlands.

Diagnosis: this is a clusterfuck and I'd be lying if I provided any guesses as to what the hell is going to happen. Personally I'm rooting for the Giants to fall out of the race so Tom Coughlin gets fired and the Eagles to make it, if only to strike a blow for homosexual football players across the land.

* Standings are here.

The Morning After . . .

the big story

* Eagles beat Panthers 27-24 behind a washed up quarterback. If the score was reversed the story would still be the same - I'm not sure there isn't a washed up QB on either of these teams active rosters.

the semi-interesting stories

* Mavs win streak is over, falling 97-106 to the Wizards. A collective nation prays that this event leads Mark Cuban to shave.

* University of Kansas manages to not lose to a inferior team, beating USC 72-62.

* Wisconsin avenges the BCS snub of their football playing brethren, beating Winthrop 82-79 in OT.

the story that may be a big deal

* Some guy pulled a Bruce Bowen on Kobe. No word as to whether Phil Jackson demanded retribution.

Mike Ditka doesn't care what the question is

So I had to cancel my date with this cute Jewish heiress tonight because Ditka and Jaworski were going to announce on Primetime who, in their infinite wisdom, was the best team in the NFL. Seemed like a good trade: instead of a piece of ass, I'd be receiving some wisdom from two of the brightest minds ESPN had to offer.

Unfortunately, Ditka couldn't answer Stuart Scott's simple inquiry. Evidently "Who is the best team in the NFL?" was too much for Ditka to handle. Instead, we were privy to Ditka's opinion that the Saints are the best team in the NFC, the Chargers are the best team in the AFC, and for some reason related to 1965, Wrigley Field, and Gale Sayers the Saints would beat the Chargers.

Debate amongst yourselves whether the Saints are even the best team in the NFC South, but a couple things are clear: LT is better than Sayers, Gale Sayers is dead, and the Super Bowl won't be played at Wrigley Field.

Incidentally, I've learned that "Jaws" has his own personal website, which really makes me regret that I didn't go out and get plowed tonight.

Marvin Harrison displays one of his lesser known talents

Back when people discussed the possibility of the Indianpolis Colts going 16-0 with a straight face, Marvin Harrison made one of the sickest catches you'll ever see in the Colts impressive win over New England.

Here is the video.

The greatest thing about this video is the near brawl that broke out when Harrison's rather . . . emphatic TD-spike smacks Mike Vrabel in the dome.